asmus

keep your one eye open

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 20:00:35 GMT

There is a multi-million dollar budget adult film now on DVD. I have yet to see it. But I must. Not that I watch that much. Because I don't. But this one...MAN! "What's it about?" you ask. I'll tell you.

...Lady Pirates!

And it's called "Pirates!" Damn, that's good. You know someone ends up on the business end of a peg leg.

I'm half kidding

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 23:50:50 GMT

Look. We've known each other for _________ now, right. Well, I don't like calling people. Or emailing them back. You need to know this. It doesn't mean I don't love you. Even though I ___. I just don't like talking to people unless it's in person. The common reaction is "well, get over it." I'm here to say, "no."
I'll be extremely happy to see you next time we can arrange it. And I sincerely hope that'll be soon. But if its not, I probably won't call you. And I will most likely forget your birthday. Unless I happen to log on to Friendster that day. God bless you, Friendster. Again, don't take it personally. I don't call my family. And I love them more than you. But not in a bad way.
If all of this makes you upset or resentful, I am truly sorry. Just not enough to change.

your (G/g)od bless,
jim(james)

I am not dead. In fact, I'm older.

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 03:41:46 GMT

THIS IS NOT QUITE A HAIKU, THESE ARE THE WORDS SAID ALOUD IN THE SHOWER TO MY OWN SURPRISE by J.R.Asmus
I'm not looking for love
just something warm
that occasionally smells like it

I believe in God now...because I met him.

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 03:28:48 GMT

Jared Leto touched me tonight. Physically.

And emotionally.

isn't it the way?

Fri, 13 May 2005 22:09:32 GMT

Yeah, I'm really good at giving advice I don't follow. Then I rack my brain on dealing with what I got, not realizing it's the exact same thing. Last night I saw a show in which a girl was saying she's going to start writing down all her decision making processes. Years later, when she reads it, she can look at herself as a character and pick it apart like text. That's the only way she can see the root of her own stupidity and the traps she sets for herself. Except I'm impatient. I want to figure it out NOW. I want to TIVO myself.

I'll be in New Orleans in June. Does anyone still live there?

XXkissesXX

(got free time? www.sputnik7.com/vod Then watch the Electric Six video. That's how I walk around in my head. All day, every day.)

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 06:10:01 GMT

MIDNIGHT, 3.18.05: in haiku form

fourteen crickets scream,
caged in glass, as my girlfriend
takes bondage photos

a life, in bullet points

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 22:25:04 GMT

I find it funny that when I clicked on "recent" entries, it was from November.

...so how the hell are YOU?

I'm putting up a show Fridays in March and April 1st. It's with two guys from Cleveland. I think it's one of the best things I've been a part of. It's at least the closest to type of material I want to be doing.

I'm actually seeing someone seriously for the first time in almost two years. Her name is Michelle, and to absolutely no one's surprise, she's half Jewish. My mother can't catch a break.

On Saturday, I'm going to LA for about a week. Anything anyone can recommend?

Upon looking for ONE job that will financially (if not spiritually) sustain me...I came to the cold-hard realization that despite a full higher education and excellent grade-point average - I have no useful skills. Thusly, I'm doing a lot of artist modeling. (IE:nudage) I suppose that is what college prepared me for after all.

XOXO. I'll write in another 3 months.

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 03:25:57 GMT

eep.

I just realized I ain't never mentioned this -
Me and the Boxaganga boys are trying to get back on the horse. The first three Saturdays in December. But we need a new name (not exactly the same folks, an unweildy name to begin with). The leading candidate right now is "The Meek". Though I'm still a big fan of "Sorry About Your Dad."

Plus I'm doing another sketch show with two guys from Cleveland in Febuary. More on that later. Back to work.

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 03:35:29 GMT

SO - I have been made a supervisor at Borders. Inventory Supervisor to be specific. This comes with only a moderate bump in responsibility, echoed by an equally modest bump in pay. (Though still at a level that makes restaurant work look almost appealing.) Between the quick promotion (having only been there for 8 months) and the health insurance, I fear becoming complacent in what is a comfortable albeit in NO way rewarding job. Please, please, Powers-That-Be, open up the Record Exchange already, and don't let it de-rail.

*********************************************
2nd topic BONUS:
my two cents on the quickly fading election -
The most surprising part to me? "Not with a bang, but a whimper." Way to go.

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 01:29:58 GMT

The debate rages on. Is it inappropriate for my halloween costume to involve - not 'blackface' per se - but rather make-up that would make me look black? Specifically, like Humpty.*

Is our society enlightened enough that going as another race is not misconstrued to be inherently a ridicule? Or did Ted Danson set that progression back half a century when he roasted Whoopie Goldberg? Fucker.

...
Or should I just go as Matthew Lesko? ("You can get FREE MONEY from the GOVERNMENT!!!")

* (from Digital Underground)

I think I only update when I travel

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 02:12:30 GMT

I feel like thoughout the callendar year, I have ideas for great Halloween costumes. Now here I am, and I got nothing. LAME.

And I'm going to New Orleans again. Anthony is driving down with some of his teammates to perform in God's Been Drinking's improv festival. I just checked out the site - and holy crap! It's a damn fine endeavor there. (oh yeah, so I'm going with him and playing)
I do feel bad, though. I will have been back to New Orleans twice since the last time I saw my parents. For those who don't know, Sundays in October is the Angola Prison Rodeo (aka - "fucking awesome"). So I will do my damnest to go. Anyone up for it?

For those I haven't already whined to, I work about 70 hours a week now. SO I'm hoping for some serious revelry and debauchary that weekend. That's your charge, city of New Orleans. Can you meet it?

From the mouths of babes...

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 03:40:18 GMT

So I've been thinking about this alot lately:
The chants and shanties, poems and punchlines of childhood ("Miss Susie had a steamboat...", Johnny Deeper, Batman "jingle bells" lyrics) seem to have blanketed this country with little exception. For generations, and with very little regard for geographical limitations, the same kids' culture has been consistent.

"I'm Popeye the Sailor man, I live in a garbage can..."

But I guess what I keep thinking about, is that someone wrote these songs (or jumprope chants). Some person, some time came up with these stupid jokes that have been repeated and repeated (Pete and Repete go fishing. Pete falls out of the boat. Who's left?). They might have been little kids, too. But all I know, is that my aunt and uncle had a lot of the same playground catalogue. Some anonymous person tossed off a bit that has been more widespread - a part of more people's life - than almost any book, film or American artwork. It's like architecture. These things are there in all of our lives, but we don't know who put them there.

While I wonder how they got so widespread (some TV show or movie whose reference has outlived the source?) I am content to chalk it up to "the new kid" who just moved to your school from __________. But no matter how they infiltrated your hometown, we still won't know who penned these giants of our cultural library. Or whether they even knew how to read yet.

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 03:18:34 GMT

Trips I want to take soon:

LA in November
New Orleans for VoodooFest
And Inverness, FL for the Cooter Festival

back

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 10:49:07 GMT

New Orleans was truly outrageous - truly, truly, truly outrageous. (Jem is my NAME!)

I had to pretend to cry in order to be allowed on my flight with my luggage (though I had to throw out my suitcase + keep the contents).
It was really good for heart and mind to spend time with Jennifer.
Nate and Katie had the best wedding ever. I didn't think I was going to cry...but lo and behold.
I also didn't think Sean Patton and I would be left on the dance floor all alone doing a dramatic dance interpretation of Cake's version of "I Will Survive"...but lo and behold.

It also reminded me of how much I dont keep up with some really great people. And that's lame. I'm lame like that. Hopefully we can make some progress. All I know is the heart's done good back there.

Back to New Orleans

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 17:46:40 GMT

Hello New Orleaneans -
I'm here till monday and would love to see you. I still don't have a cell phone...but Jennifer does! Or you could talk to Chico. Perhaps Nick Lopez? Um...I sure they would all be psyched to be my secretary.
Plus, it just would feel right if I didn't have a show to hassle you all into attending. So...

Sunday Night @ O'Flaherty's --- 8:30
God's Been Drinking (long form improv)
Free beers with admission (no joke)
(also feat. the aforementioned Chico and Nick Lopez, plus Sean Patton &more!)

So let's see eachother.

Beep

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 23:40:56 GMT

Tom and I went to "SPRINGER". It'll be on Thursday. Check your local listings.

My computer is only on for 1:30 at a time. So this is short.

personal revelations in rerun

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 20:27:01 GMT

So here I am convalescing with a bad back and bad reception. Of the few (English) television stations we get, the best option was reruns of THREE’S COMPANY. The strange thing is that I remember these episodes. When I was a kid, it was one of my favorites. HOW THE HELL DID MY MOTHER LET ME WATCH THIS??? She had to have known I watched it, because I watched it a lot.
It also reminded me that my favorite TV characters were all these blatant womanizers (Jack Tripper, Sam Malone, Ace from “Centurions”, Bob Barker, etc). My family always tells stories of me hitting on girls at 5 years old. So I wonder if I liked those characters because I was a pre-school playa’ OR if those characters shaped how I thought I was supposed to interact with women.
And I know that I am a relentless flirt. But I’ve only come to know it. It’s something so inherent in my life-long personality that I’m only aware of it after dozens of folks pointing it out and even more scenarios reinforcing it. There are times that I intend to flirt, but apparently the rest of the time, I still act as if I’m trying to pick up on friends, coworkers, law enforcement, automobiles, garden tools, and the like.
So if I’ve led you on out there, please, join me now. All of us can take the bold and original move. And blame television.

beep

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 22:44:51 GMT

What is there to say? Not much. Tara and Bridget came last weekend, and it was greatastic. You can read about it in her journal (sharpshinyclaws).

My back is fucked up and I don't know why. Nor do I know where I can go and have my parents' insurance cover it.

A crazy woman has begun stalking me around Borders, mimicing my motions, pretending she works there, telling people she's with James, answering the phones, etcetera etcetera.
Which begs the question: Why am I so stalkable? I have been the object of several stalkings to varying degrees. What is it about me that encourages/perpetuates it? It's gotta be more than just my hottness - because my roommate Alex is hot, and no one's stalkin' him.

Kiss my grits.

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 19:32:57 GMT

Hmm...I'm in a romantic mood. Maybe it's the sounds of "Waltz #2" wafting up through the floor boards. Maybe it's the soft lights of a bright day through white clouds. Maybe spring is dusting it's first aphrodesiacs in these warming days. But my bed seems bigger. And I couldn't throw a coin the distance between me and someone else's skin. But something has me feeling optimistic. Something I don't know still has me smiling.

Indie Like Me

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:18:51 GMT

I just wrote the longest journal entry I've ever written, only to be kicked off during the final sentence. So fuck that.

Long story short - I have a mohawk. Not a faux-hawk. A genuine last-remaining-legacy-any-white-people-are-familiar-with-of-a-once-proud-native-american-tibe-MOHAWK. It's 5 or 6 inches.

It's been a very "Black Like Me" experience. Total strangers are suddenly actively avoiding me/hitting on me/mocking me/or eyeing me to see if I'm an evil mohawk, or a good mohawk.

But the fact is, this mohawk is a lie. While not all of the mohawked must conform to the various stereotypes, I am inherently NOT cool enough to shoulder the social responsibility of being "the guy with a mohawk". I will be shaving the rest of my head soon. The question is whether or not I keep it till Monday...when I go to a taping of Jerry Springer.

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 20:15:58 GMT

So Tara and Bridget* came to visit two weeks ago...

BEST GUESTS EVER! I say this not just because Bridget reads this, but also as a challenge to the rest of you. Please come visit Chicago, and TRY to be as cool as these girls. We did a wide variety of stuff, all delightful. They bought me a TEN POUND bar of chocolate from Ghiridelli! My roommates and I are about 65% through it. I am a big fat fat person. And apparently Bridget has a place in her music-snob heart (meant in a good way) for late 90s gay discoteque music. Amusing.

Now there is talk of them moving up in August? I like that idea.

*(see previous journal entries starting Sept 24th for character reminder)

Come! Laugh at my failure!

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 09:15:06 GMT

Valentine's Day - gotta say, I haven't been much of a fan... and this year went by without changing my mind. All the perky coulples holding hands all day made me feel crappy. And I know I'm more balanced than alot of people, so I can only imagine how bad their day was. I kept wanting to say to these people, "you know statistically speaking, he's cheating on you. or at least he's going to."

I actually did try to ask out the cashier at the Michigan Ave. Borders a week or so ago. (not the one I work at) I had gone there a few times since moving here, and the same girl always specifically called me down to ring me out. We'd start talking about bullshit, but she's really cute (in a Maggie Gyllenthal-but-cuter kind of way) and even though I was pretty sure this should have gone over well - I completely fucked it up. I've only asked out four girls, and at least initially it has never gone well.

1 Katie Conway (freshman yr of highschool): said "no"
2 Oksana Hrytci (i spelled that wrong. freshman college): didn't realize I was asking her out...because I did it so poorly.
3 Jennifer Freehling (hi. - sophomore yr college): said "no"
4 Borders Girl (don't know her name): I invited her to the show I'm stagemanaging - she couldn't make it, I started dribbling nonsense out of my mouth. At one point I invited her to go next door for ice cream AT THAT MOMENT and then declined the offer for her. It was bad.
Tom got to witness it all too, just so I'll never forget it.

I'm an ass.

For the two of you playing the home game...

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 07:17:27 GMT

THE ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLE: "GEEK" - which originally refered to side-show acts who bit the heads off chickens. True story.

beep.

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 17:21:46 GMT

Starting monday, I will be working for Borders.

Even with my discount, the UCB DVD is cheaper here.

My roommates threw a very fun "nerd party" last saturday. They took a mug shot of each attendee holding their choice of sign; 'nerd', 'geek', or 'dork'. However, it was real photographer's film, and Walgreens ruined the negatives. (sad emoticon) But take a guess which one I was.

if i broke it up you'd read it.

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 07:36:47 GMT

OTHER NIGHT
Tom, Mikey (roommate) and I went to a deserted karaoke bar and sang about a dozen songs a piece. 3 women came in. I knew one from the theatre I'm working at. social lubrication. her (very drunk) friend asked me to make out at her appartment. (though cute,) I had to find a polite way to decline. this decision has been widely critizied - and is seen as a violation of mine and Tom's NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION:
- to gain weight, become slutty, and get addicted to stuff.

TODAY
took a 50 min bus ride to a shady job interview from the paper. note on the door said the office was closed, interviews cancelled. sorry for inconvenience. from shady to shadier. sadly, if Borders' interview doesn't look good tomorrow - i'll probably call the sketchy people for another appointment. [sad emoticon]

TONIGHT
ran the show. for 10 people. stuck around for the burlesque show in the same theater. HOTNESS! pretty good production value. more contemporary than the old ShimSham show. oh yeah...and HOTNESS! I didn not, however, fall in love with any of the ladies. I am sans object of affection in this city. and I'm in the mood to pine from a (slight) distance.

I will be taking suggestions / applications / via-friendster recommendations through the next week. thank you.
management